Have you ever wanted to say just the right words to a person going through trauma? Of course, our friend or loved one needs encouragement, but like most help for others, timing is the key. We fall into the trap of believing that our words are the most important when actually, our loving arms of compassion become the greatest gift.

While none of us can read minds, we can read emotions. Emotions are real – they are visible. A hug, a touch, a tender shoulder for tears can be the most loving acts of caring. Love penetrates the heart and mind to help your friend love herself, love God, and find a way to start working through the trauma. Yes, there will come a time for advice, but waiting for an invitation tells you that practical and godly words of advice can be received. In fact, you have won the privilege to give these words because you were willing to wait for your friend to seek your help.

Love is an active verb. I learned through the years of a loved one’s drug abuse that what I needed to hear most was that simple phrase, “I love you.” I can honestly say that I never gave up that need for love, but there was definitely a time when I came to seek the advice of others. Dear trusted friends and professionals helped me walk through situations I did not understand. Their words of advice were received and acted upon with a grateful heart.

Here are some next steps to help you make a difference in the lives of those around you:

1. As a friend, surround your hurting friend with love. I Corinthians 13:7 reminds us that love bears all things.
2. Find creative and caring ways to express love. I Corinthians 13:8 reminds us that love never fails.
3. Ask God to remind you about timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is an appointed time for everything – even advice giving!

Jerrianne Iseley is a friend and ministry partner of SiT. As a Pastor’s wife she has mentored our co-founder, Cathy Applington, for 30+ years. Her authenticity and ability to shepherd the hearts of others has impacted many lives through the years. We are grateful she is sharing her wisdom with us through her writing on practical topics of care in the midst of trauma.