DEEPER STILL: Week Twenty-Eight

Curious not Confrontive

Proverbs 18:19

“A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

Reflections

They used to say, “Curiosity killed the cat.” It was a caution against nosing into business that was not your own—and in many ways, that can be sound advice. But there are times when asking questions and seeking deeper understanding is a healthy, growing exercise. It allows each person to express their perspective and gives opportunities to learn from one another.

Unpacking a few verses from Proverbs 18 can help us avoid the pitfalls between healthy curiosity and harmful confrontation.

Curiosity goes wrong when it’s driven by confrontation instead of a desire to understand. “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle” (v.19). Conversations that build walls or “bars” between people harm relationships.

It’s good to remember: we were not meant to walk this journey alone. That means we need to strengthen our communication. “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment. A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart” (v.1–2). Self-sufficiency, without any curiosity or interest in understanding others, is simply foolish.

Healthy communication is rooted in curiosity—one that seeks to understand motives, thought processes, and heart. It allows each person to share how they arrived at their conclusions and what influenced their perspective. That kind of dialogue opens space for more constructive conversations. “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him” (v.13).

When we fear another viewpoint, we’re more likely to assume the worst or respond defensively. But Scripture encourages us to lean into understanding: “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (v.15). “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him” (v.17).

Approaching a conversation with humility—not with the goal of being right or controlling the outcome—makes room for true understanding. “Before destruction, the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility” (v.12). Nothing good comes from someone who believes they already have all the answers. That kind of pride can destroy both communication and relationships. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (v.21).

So, ask questions. Seek knowledge. Be willing to engage in honest conversations, even when perspectives differ. It’s not always easy, but it can lead to meaningful growth and understanding.

We won’t always agree on everything—and that’s okay. There is still value in the learning that comes through honest, humble conversations. “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook” (v.4).

Do your curious conversations lead to a wellspring of wisdom measured by the Word of God, or are they haughty confrontations that shut down communication?

Prayer

Lord, increase my curiosity and desire to communicate with those around me. Help me to listen well, learn humbly, and measure every perspective through the truth of Your Word.