Passive Anger

Ephesians 4:15

“But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— “

Reflections

Passive anger is a form of indirect aggression. It often expresses itself through sarcasm, stonewalling, avoidance, or subtle behaviors, without clearly communicating true thoughts or feelings. Beneath it is usually a desire for acknowledgment, value, or control. But without honest and loving communication, passive anger leads to misunderstanding, fractured intimacy, bitterness, pride, manipulation, and mistrust.

As we reflect on the disunity that passive anger can create, let’s turn to Ephesians 4, where Paul writes to a group of believers who are learning how to walk in holiness and unity. His challenge is practical: live in a way that reflects your faith, especially in how you relate to others.

At the start of the chapter, Paul identifies himself as “a prisoner of the Lord” and calls believers to “walk worthy of the calling” they’ve received (v. 1). What does that look like?

He says it means being humble, gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love, and working to maintain unity through the bond of peace (vv. 2–3).

Notice what’s missing: pride, manipulation, and self-serving demands for attention or recognition.

Later in the chapter, Paul highlights the roles believers play in building one another up so that we are no longer “tossed to and fro” like children, deceived and unstable (vv. 11–14).

Passive anger does just that—it tosses us emotionally. It tricks us into believing we’re at the center of everything and encourages us to manipulate others for validation rather than seeking unity and maturity in Christ.

Instead, Paul exhorts us to “speak the truth in love,” so that we may “grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ” (v. 15). When we live out our calling with humility and truth, each person contributes to the health of the whole body. We are “joined and knit together” in love, and our relationships are built up—not torn down (v. 16).

This is our calling in every relationship we steward: not to seek control through subtle aggression, but to serve Christ by speaking truth in love and walking in humility.

Are you seeking to walk humbly as a servant of Christ, speaking truth in love, not in manipulation or pride?

Prayer

Lord, help me to speak truth in love—with humility, grace, and gentleness. Teach me to let go of pride, fear, or manipulation, and instead walk in a manner worthy of the calling You’ve placed on my life. Shape my heart to reflect Yours in every relationship. Amen.